When I made the intention to "lose my ego so that God / the current of the new Aeon / the inexpressible benevolence of the creative impulse could shine through", perhaps I should have thought more clearly about what that would actually mean in practical terms. For a start - giving up all your hopes and dreams of success, achievement, pats on the head, gold stars, groupies; and learning to embrace pain, humiliation, degradation, etc.
The price for seeking a clearer vision of reality is the possession of that vision. "Better to remain asleep", indeed.
