Some of my best friends are Gnostics, and this, mutatis mutandis, works for any initiatory path, I think. I think I'm personally still working through stage 3. You do have to make compromises with the Prince of This World to be able to survive in this world long enough to change this world. Perhaps the most important thing - which I don't think I ever truly understood until a couple of days ago - is that the game cannot corrupt you if you remember that it's a game.
I, personally, a long time ago (perhaps age 6) started playing a game called PRIDE/SHAME. The object of the game is to see whether you can get everyone in the world to give you uncritically positive attention. This is a game that any human is designed to lose, but playing the game is a way to be able to participate in the world if you're convinced that what you really are is worthless and rejected by God and everything on the earth. And I played the game for so long I thought it was my personality. I still do if I don't keep up my work of "remembering". It's an addiction and it's like sleepwalking at the same time. It's so much easier.
I think I can pin-point a truce in my life.
ReplyDeleteOne point in my life, Taoism clicked for me and I joined the military.
Basic training served to strip me of ego sufficiently without totally losing myself to their game. That was the exact phrase I used for this. Not only did I keep in mind it was a game, I learned to play the game well.
There's a moment burned in my mind from this experience as well. As we were about to go to the church and "watch some videos," one of our instructors gave us a warning that few in my group realized the true meaning of. He said, "don't lose your head." I think most took it as to not get crazy and get all wound up. It seemed odd that he'd specifically warn us during that time.
Once we got there and the videos started I looked around and realized what he meant: Set to the cacophony of nu-metal were clips if military hardware, video feeds from missiles and drones. Bad guys getting blown up and shot.
This may seem like something out of a sci-fi novel, and to some it may seem much more mundane attempt to get kids excited about being in the military if not a little grotesque... but hey, it's the military and not Sunday school.
But that's when I realized what he meant by "don't lose your head."
The trick, of course, is remembering it's just a game - not easy to do, when you have to compromise with the Prince of Lies just to keep a roof over your head. Not to mention that from a young age they drill it into that this is not a game, that this is in fact "the real world", which they will spend two decades or so preparing you for...
ReplyDeleteFor a long time I felt like I was stuck in stage three, but lately I feel somehow like I've been knocked back to stage one. 'Aporia' definitely describes where I am right now - I have definitely had an 'Epiphany', but am not sure what direction to go in.
I believe that the Courage Wolf is quoted as saying "If life got harder, that just means you've levelled up". Similarly, Ivan Stang has said something to the effect that the truly enlightened are those who can suffer through disasters and not blame it all on karma or a vengeful deity. To put it another way - you might only think you've gone backwards. You may well be off the path, but you could be right near the end. What I'm trying to say is: I don't think progress can be "lost" all that easily.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that Doloras. I needed to hear that. :)
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