I used to think that I had spoiled my destiny - that I had made such bad life choices that I'd ruined the purpose of my existence and thus had no real reason to live except that suicide would make it worse. To put it in religious terms, I had disappointed God to the point that She had turned Her back on me. It looks so incredibly stupid when you write it down.
ETA: ... and, of course, in retrospect "God" actually meant "my parents".
in the last couple of years, i came to the opposite conclusion: i had fucked up some of my life choices so bad the only way out was political action.
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